so for the third time today, i attempted to leave the country in vein.

i mean, what are you supposed to tell people. how retarded do i sound saying that I have missed 3 flights, 3 flights back home, and not one of them was my fault. Today was the biggest mistake, and Iberias way of saying sorry is booking me on a flight for next Tuesday for free. Um, thanks.....

not.

assholes. what the fucking hell. its not that i dont like it here, hell i like it better then where i live, but damnit i have A LOT of stuff to do and this is just delaying the inevitable work I will have to make up and its not like I am really having tons of fun going to and from the airport and that is so draining to go from Rabat to Casa to Rabat again and I cannot believe this is the third time I have had to do it. Shit, I mean I should have just extended my stay and relaxed instead of planning on leaving multiple times, all of which end up as failures.


OK welllll

I guess I am thankful for my cat, who I realllly miss who is at home waiting for me to pet him and feed him lots of treats. I spoke with my mother and she was very calm while I was very not. I know I know, it does not sound like a big deal, but this week is really important for me to be at home so I can set things straight at school instead of arriving in the middle of next week not knowing what the hell I am doing. I think Im already going to drop a class or two, I dont know, this is all way too stressful and I am very vexed and perplexed and sad and I really need to go home dude. I have no more of my back meds (I have to take one in the morning and one at night, and it helps), and Im running low on other things or I am out. I hate being dependant on like everything. I always need food because my blood sugar is low, I always need water because I feel dehydrated.

Man I am dillusional, all I am doing is complaining. Whatever, I can do whatever I want on this little polka dot site I guess.

Fuck, I am really depressed. Aside from things, sitting just where I am and just me and myself and I, I am not happy, I am feeling very worried and this stress is too much sometimes and I dont like it and well, here it is. What do I do with it, besides throwing it across the room at the wall. Im nestling it for some reason. IDK this is getting too deep, or maybe just really fluffy, but what I guess I mean is that present things can echo past feelings and associations and I just feel like total shit and I feel useless. And I feel like an idiot. A big gigantic fucking idiot, even though I didnt really do anything wrong, this would be how an idiot feels. Im going to sleep I just dont even want to wake the hell up.

depressing post is depressing.